Real Primates of Heller County.

Wednesday, February 23^rd 2011

     Weird… I wrote about blueberries and the emails suddenly stopped… now I get a daily invitation to buy an illustrated bible.

     I have no real emails to respond to today so you’re all doomed to another edition of PENELOPE REVIEWS MOVIES THAT NO ONE WILL EVER SEE, but I did think I should address another issue.

     I don’t know how this happened, but I can’t deny it. I am going to watch yet another Real Housewives show. I was flipping through the channels last night and just happened to come across the first episode of the Real Housewives of Miami. God, forgive me. I can’t help it, but it was kinda awesome. I even know who I’m rooting for already (thanks Andy for rounding up the 3 bitches all at one right away for me!) Okay, enough of that.

     One last thing before I do the review. Remind me to rave nonstop about the Melanie Pain album sometime soon!

REVIEW!

     I love movies like Spymate because they really challenge me. First, I have to buy a premise that there is a super spy monkey. Done. Then, after the monkey’s partner leaves the spy game so he can take care of his daughter we fast forward 10 years. Now I have to believe that the monkey is still alive and a star circus performer. Done. Oh yeah, also the little girl (played brilliantly by Emma Roberts) is now 12 and won a national science award for building a ray gun drilling machine that turns dirt into oxygen and revolutionizing the human race… Done?

     This is where the movie begins to get complicated. See, a famous scientist who gives the girl the award is actually an evil mastermind who then kidnaps her and flies her to Japan to work on a secret project. The dad gets wind of this and sets up his spy business again, which involves him going to the circus to ask Minkey (the monkey) to help his old partner out. Within a few minutes Minkey agrees and puts on his suit to drive to the base. Oh yeah, and his circus friends heard everything and want to help. Of course this is a good idea.

     By the way, this all happens within the first twenty minutes of the movie. I would have made it through The King’s Speech if it moved that fast. That being said, this is also the point where the movie became a little hard to follow. Minkey does a bunch of human stuff. There’s some French scientist chick who is not evil, an evil bald guy, and eventually an old Japanese guy by the mountain decides to train Minkey. At some point Emma Roberts uses her hair band to fix the evil version of her little chemical ray gun.

     Okay, fine, it is a complete mess, but come on, it’s a monkey doing funny things.