Yes, i know. X = Oui

Wednesday, March 30^th 2011

     I just now realized how similar DWTS is to the Hunger Games. I kinda fell asleep before it started on Monday and had to wait till last night and I am all caught up. I’m sad to see the good looking guy booted off, but more importantly, where the f$@#%$# were the Karate Kid’s 8’s and 9’s? He was clearly not being judged on the same level as the rest of them. I was rooting for Kirstie Alley at first but now I’m totally on Team Macchio, Connie wants Chelsea Kane and Vanessa is all for Petra. Even Connie’s boy couldn’t take all the DWTS talk at lunch today and ate as quickly as he could and bailed.

     Okay, I have to go to the bathroom again and I’m done thinking for the night. The only decision I wanna make tonight is whether I watch my new Tangled DVD or wait for the weekend when I’m healthy and able to host company.

     Oh yeah, I’m also failing Algebra and French. Zzzz.

Return from District 12 to District 13.

Monday, March 28^th 2011

     Sorry. Sorry? Sorry!

     I’ve been away (I have to tell you all about West Virginia.) I’ve been sick (I think I may actually take my damn Flintstone’s vitamins.) I’ve been watching Dancing With The Stars. (I got suckered in watching a rerun of the first episode in the hotel room and please don’t get me started on freaking DWTS politics.) I’ve been listening to new music. (Maybe West Virginia really did effect me because I downloaded another country record. Caitlyn Rose’s Own Side Now is my new fave record of the moment.) I have not been compelled to write. Sorry.

     To start off, West Virginia is not the backasswards redneck nightmare people think it is. I was there for 4 days and actually like it a lot better than most places I’ve been. Yes, I realize that I’ve only gone to such glamorous place as Connecticut, Pennsylvania, Delaware and Maryland but you get my point.

     Here are some of the things I learned in West Va. Evidently, I like architecture. I didn’t know that. No trespassing signs are very trendy in certain parts of the world. They also helped remind me that I was actually IN District 12. I only saw 1 girl who looked like Katniss, and she worked at a gas station. Gas stations are kinda awesome in other states. I am now sick as a dog, (okay, someone get me the etymology on that phrase) so I’ll cut it short for now and just say it was a cool time. Zzzzz.

Chrome Angels and Mountaineers

Wednesday, March 23^rd 2011

     Since I’m going away to West Virginia (long story) until Monday and in general I’ve been a real slacker with posting and I’m in a mood because I just realized I haven’t played my guitar in a week and I spaced and missed Real Housewives last night which isn’t the most horrible thing on earth but then I missed the After Party With Andy which featured Mama Elsie so y’all are gonna be treated to a very special extra long edition of my silly today. (I have to admit that that sentence was probably longer than the story of why I’m going to West Virginia on short notice for 4 days.)

     Extreme run on sentences aside, I really have been in a real crawl into a hole and eat churros mood. But I did manage to find time to watch 2 movies for the purpose of reviewing them for my whatever this is. Without further ado, my review of Tron Legacy and Chrome Angels / aka Cyborg Conguest.

     Okay, so my dad explained both Tron and Tron Legacy to me 4 times while we watched Tron Legacy and I am no closer to the truth. I have not freaking idea what the hell any of it means. I guess that it didn’t help that I kept calling the son Tron 2 and Olivia Wilde Tronette. Vanessa came over to watch it and was enthralled and also tried explaining it to me and also failed. After the 3^rd time she said “No Quorra, I mean Tronette, was real, and the True Grit guy is dead” she gave up and just said. “Whatever, it looks pretty.”

     I asked if seeing the first Tron would help me my dad simply said, “I’m sorry honey, but no.” With that in my mind, I’m gonna say that Tron Legacy is about a rich dude who’s dad ran away to create a hot girl for him, which in turn really took the sting out of him abandoning him for 20 years and then dying on him.

     Seriously, what the hell is Tron? Nonetheless I did enjoy it, but not as much as I enjoyed another movie by the director of Transmorphers, Chrome Angels a.k.a. Cyborg Conquest. The film opens with a bank heist, as an all female biker gang makes off with a few bags of chain and ride off to meet up at a rendezvous point. It turns out to be this dive bar in a small town located south of nowhere and just past East Northumberland High (you are so the same amount of loser as I am if you get those references.)

     The bar is full of rough and tough looking guys who started acting all “you’re a girl, I’m gonna mistreat you and such” and the girls are all like “oh know you didn’t” and a ruckus ensues and ends with one of the girls shooting one of the guys in the face and instead of blood they see circuits.

     This is where the movie kinda changes gear. When all the bar patrons’ eyes turn green and they start saying things like “affirmative” and “eliminate” they quickly surmise that these are robots. Killer robots to be exact. Another fight breaks out and they girls get separated into 2 groups, one gets away to a nearby motel and the others captured by robots and taking to the evil robot base.

     The entire town ends up being robots controlled by an evil genius and his hipster computer guy. It’s a very good thing that the girls know someone nearby with a small but military grade arsenal and another guy who builds supercars and is down for a fight.

     The evil plan is revealed. These cyborgs are set to be shipped out all over the world and if the planet doesn’t succumb to the evil genius wheelchair guy’s will he will detonate the small nuclear device that’s hidden inside each unit.

     Some good people die, some evil robots die, and the apocalypse is avoided until the sequel. (Are you there, God? It’s me Penelope and I really want Chrome Angels 2.) I also forgot to mention that all the girls were cloned (pesky robot mosquitos) and the movie ends with the survivors and the Cyborg clones of their falling comrades drinking in a bar together, getting to know each other.

     I know it sounds ridiculous but I’m seriously not doing it justice. Chrome Angels is a Terminator series inspired movie which is a lot better than 3 of the 4 Terminator movies. (It’s also better than the Sarah Connor Chronicles although I’m still loyal to Summer Glau… but seriously, the Cape sucked.)It was fun and even a little unpredictable do I’m gonna give it a whopping 10 on the Hammer Pants scale and a 9 on the regular one too!

     Okay, I gotta pack and stuff. Have fun without me.

“Sacrifice to stop the Invaders from the Red Sun vs Defenders from the Blue Sun.” part 5

Monday, March 21^st 2011

     “Sacrifice to stop the Invaders from the Red Sun vs Defenders from the Blue Sun.” part 5.

Publish Post

Put the bunny back in the box +++ Sacrifice to stop the Invaders from the Red Sun vs Defenders from the Blue Sun part 4

Saturday, March 19^th 2011

     Before I forget, don’t bother watching Transmorphers 2. It wasn’t awful or anything, just lacked the heart of the first one.

     Last night at Vanessa’s we watched Con Air and wow, just wow. To sum it up, Con Air is a beautiful story about a man with an appointment… and a bunny.

     At what point did I stop reading?

     I’m still kinda occupied, so I will give you the next installment of “Sacrifice to stop the Invaders from the Red Sun vs Defenders from the Blue Sun.” part 4.

big giant freaking ring.

Thursday, March 17^th 2011

     Btw I forgot to say yesterday. Real Housewives of Miami. OMG BIGGEST FREAKING WEDDING RING EVER.

The sun shines through the clouds for the first time in centuries.

Wednesday, March 16^th 2011

     So it’s Wed again and I guess I’m giving up the email thing for a bit longer. Sorry the blog is schizo, but you can imagine how much thought an effort goes into it. Nothing new happening. Gained 5 pounds since I accidentally checked my weight and have no reaction to that. Friday I’m going to Vanessa’s for a bad movie night. Which reminds me, I present to you the latest in my movies no one really saw series. I review 2 films today, Space Camp and Transmorphers.

     “Why don’t you just evaporate, Laser Brain!” this is the point where I turned Space Camp off. Don’t worry, I read the wiki. Trust me, I didn’t miss anything. For some reason Space Camp inspired, I decided to download Transmorphers. Talk about night and day! Space Camp is a giant bag of crap about crap, and Transmorphers is a beautifully crafted tale of a robot how had hope when humanity had none. That’s right, I was freaking inspired. Every single time they said “We only have shot at this” I was enthralled. I felt as if Transmorphers was God’s way of paying me back the time I lost trying to watch Transformers, (btw, this movie is better than that hunk of balls in every single aspect.)

     The movie starts with “In 2009 we discovered life on another planet. A planet 20 million light years away. We sent a message of peace. A message of friendship. And 5 years later we received their response.” Cut to scene of 800 gazillion spaceships attacking and destroying most of the earth, sending survivors underground as “within hours 90% of the earth’s population was destroyed.” Just brilliant.

     The ending was beautiful as this lost robot soul gave his live to preserve humanity… I think. The last 20 minutes were really hard to follow but still fantastic. In fact, since I can’t do it justice I’m just gonna copy the end of the wikipedia summary.

     ”Back at the radio station, Mitchell, now aware of his cyborg abilities, sacrifices himself to take out the tower and buy enough time for Itchy and the rest of the group to escape. This stops the reproduction and destroys the station. All over the world, the robots are shut down and defeated. With the battle won, Karina and Von Ryberg are reunited and the surviving humans see the sun shine through the clouds for the first time in centuries.”

     I give it an 8 out of 10 on the Hammer Pants Scale for Silly Awesomeness. (thank you VH1 I love the 80’s for that reference point.) Actually, I think I’d give it 8 of 10 on any scale. Yeah, I highly recommend this film and will def be downloading Transmorphers 2: fall of man.

     Also, to bring the silly, www.penisland.net

bored bored bored bored

Tuesday, March 15^th 2011

“And who told that bitch she could pull a purple pleather jacket? Who does she think she is?” that’s the best thing I heard all day.

     Bored.

i jut downloaded coyote ugly

Monday, March 14^th 2011

     We finally had some lunchtime drama today as Connie banished Blake Dyson to go eat with Toby at the Sundberg reject table and threatened to make the ban permanent unless he changed his “disrespectful ways.” She was all mean and angry and I was kinda impressed. Vanessa even high-fived her. (Fist bumps and pumps have been socially outlawed in Heller Park since season 2 of Jersey Shore.

     BTW if you’ve noticed it’s been ages since I’ve mentioned school or boys or boys from school or boys that I’ve met outside of school, there is a reason for this. There is nothing going on at all. I could show up completely naked to school and no one would notice me. Part of the reason for this is because I spend most of my time being flanked by Vanessa, who would be a model if she were 4 inches taller, and Connie, who has Mount Sundberg shooting out of her chest demanding attention. But mostly, I guess I’m a bit shy and standoffish. I’ve told the last 3 guys who tried talking to me to “insert one of their own appendages into their own anus.”

     Strawberry waffle time and then I’m going to finish watching Transmorphers, which is pretty damn good.

buttercup helps me stop the infinite hatred. +++ “Sacrifice to stop the Invaders from the Red Sun vs Defenders from the Blue Sun.” pt 3

Saturday, March 12^th 2011

     Okay, so I have to admit, I only hate 99.99999999% of country music now. I love Lucinda Williams.

     Is it wrong that I feel a lot better about myself because Demi Lovato gained weight in rehab?

     Again, I have to apologize for the blah and disinterested posts lately, but you have to understand, Pokemon games don’t come out nearly as often as you think. I’m gonna continue to show you more of the saga though.

Umbrella Massacre the Musical

Friday, March 11^th 2011

     I have to run because my mom is taking me to see Lucinda Williams. Her friend Helena cancelled at the last minute and my dad couldn’t get out of work in time and it’s a 6:00 o clock show because Lucinda Williams is old. But don’t worry, I brought you entertainment.

     It was a weird day and here is the fruition of that weirdness. Umbrella Massacre, a photo essay by Penelope Blackheart.

Some Kinda Wonderful and Sacrifice to stop the Invaders from the Red Sun vs Defenders from the Blue Sun part 2

Wednesday, March 9^th 2011

     Some Kind of Wonderful is on TV Guide network so I’m gonna have to half ass this post. Last night’s Real Housewives was just okay but Andy and Bethany made me smile.

     While I’m here, let me give you the next chapter in “Sacrifice to stop the Invaders from the Red Sun vs Defenders from the Blue Sun.”

the sillies are out.

Tuesday, March 8^th 2011

     I am not above lowbrow humor.

     http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_Gaytime

     Also, dropping a Lean Pocket on my Eggo was the best thing I ever did.