Saturday, February 5th 2011
Fine. Okay. Whatever. I will admit it. I’m happy. The Universe, clearly disturbed by the brutal course my life has taken these past few months, has decided to not piss all over me for at least one day. But I’ll get to that in a minute.
My day started, like any other day, like crap. My mom woke me up at 8 with French toast, which left my body very conflicted and confused. Being awake = aaarrrggghh. French Toast = Yaaaaaaaaay.
During breakfast my mother announces that she needs to go to the mall and that attendance was mandatory because I needed new clothes and my father needed something that I don’t remember. We went to Garden State which was as disgustingly crowded as always and my mom dragged me from store to store until she finally cornered me in Urban Outfitters and told me that I couldn’t leave until I picked at least one item of clothing. After a few minutes of drowning in hipster pukewear I settled on a small men’s flannel. I think it’s cute and along with all the angsty chick rock I listen to a flannel helps keep my parent’s guessing as to whether I’m gay for a little longer. God forbid my mom tries talking about “boys” with me. I also picked up a Lego Minifigure and some socks so she couldn’t bitch that I only bought one thing.
Traffic out on Rt. 4 and 17 were being evil so my dad decided to impress us with his knowledge of
North Jersey back roads but instead had us lost within 10 minutes. This ended up being a blessing in disguise because we came a cross one of those full block garage sales and decided to give it a look. I picked up some books and CD’s and was ready to go beg my parents to take me home when I saw it. In the corner of a table with a toaster and dirty quilts on it I saw a glorious electric guitar. I ran over and asked the junkie loser who was selling it how much he wanted. He started at 120 and then I started haggling. I hardlined it at 20 dollars and he accepted! Even gave me a cheap case for it. (Thank you crystal meth.)
I got it back to the car and my parents didn’t know whether to be angry that I spent all my money or impressed that I was able to pick up a state of the art crappy guitar (it’s an Arita!) At first I was afraid that they’d make me take it back but all they said was “You’re not allowed to have an amp until you learn how to play and you’re buying your own strings.”