I live under a bell shaped curve from being average.

Monday, January 31^st 2011

     Another uncomfortable lunch today. See, Toby, now double rejected, has too much pride to sit at the table with us. Instead, he sat at the table right across from us and stared for 30 minutes. At one point during our Jerseylicious discussion he laughed out loud really loud. We started whispering after that.

     I caught up on Vampire Diaries after school and I am not pleased. Please oh please, NO MORE WOLVES. I don’t know who decided that Teen Wolf was cool again but they are just plain wrong.

     Yes, I realize that vampires are stupid too.

     Vanessa begged me for new music today so I’m making her a mix. I usually would make Miss Barlow the craziest mix possible, but Connie was there and insisted I give her the mix too, so I have to avoid “Scary Blood Sacrifice Music.” Here’s what I have so far.

I Can Tell / The Volebeats

Never Comes Around / La Sera

Bratty B / Best Coast

The Desert / Vivian Girls

Venus / Television

I Got You / Split Enz

Tropical / Plumtree

Ce Jour La / Fabienne Delsol

Let The Bells Ring / The Organ

Ruby Soho / Rancid

Save It For Later / The Beat

Swans / Camera Obscura

The Tenure Itch / The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart

Summer Babe (Winter Version) / Pavement

Taking People / Cat Power

All This Time / Heartless Bastards

Crazy For You / Best Coast.

     Not too shabby, right? It’s fun, fluffy, and pretentious. I haven’t lost my touch.

     I believe it is time for my first ever Penelope Black Heart Contest! The first person who emails me with any reason they think they are more bored than I am wins a copy of this fantastic mix above. Please send all entries to cupcakedestroyer@gmail.com.

Is it me? It is me.

Friday, January 28^th 2011

     ATTENTION, PREPARE FOR A “VERY SPECIAL WEB LOG”

     Hello, my name is Penelope Blackheart (not my real name) and I tend not to use terms like Apocalypse lightly.

     Today there was an Apocalypse at lunch.

     Last night Connie finally decided to put one of her 2 boys out of their mystery. After school we went to the library with Vanessa and we helped Connie do an extensive pro/con list to decide which boy. It was pretty tense for a while, but in the end Blake beat out Toby by a total of 47 to 43. I was official scorekeeper and Con made me triple check so I’m sure of that exact score.

     You’re probably waiting for the catastrophe part to come in. Wait for it.

     Connie broke the news to Toby and he cried. She told Blake and he cried. They were both still teary eyed at lunch today, when Toby watched Blake sit in his usual seat next to Connie, and then sat between me and Vanessa. He stared longingly at the happy couple for a minute and then looked to Vanessa, who stared death back into his eyes. And then… he turned to me.

     And asked me out. I was so shocked and disgusted that I didn’t even say no right away, which he took as a sign of approval. He was in the middle of planning our first date when Vanessa cut him off and said “Toby, she is NOT going out with you.” I tried nodding as politely as possible before getting up and going to the nurse’s office. I walked in, she asked me what was wrong, I said nothing and ran off to English, where I sat in silence and waited for class to start.

     I have never felt so depressed/ugly/inferior/angry/etc (please feel free to add on another 10 adjectives with negative connotations here. Did I use connotation right? I think I did.) I’m trying to not feel awful about it but it isn’t working. No one likes being second (actually third) choice but what makes it worse is that no matter how much I genuinely like Connie and care about her and think she’s great… I still think I’m so much better than her.

     WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I try. I really do.

     Vanessa came over after school and made me soup and hung out until dinner. Since dinner I’ve sat in my room and played every depressing record on the planet. On right now, a mix of The Organ and the Vivian Girls. I pray for sleep. And I’m almost out of Nutty Bars. Damn.