bored bored bored bored

Tuesday, March 15^th 2011

“And who told that bitch she could pull a purple pleather jacket? Who does she think she is?” that’s the best thing I heard all day.

     Bored.

Mu$ic

Wednesday, March 2^nd 2011

     It is on. Just as I was ready to write off the Miami girl as being dull, Lea Black calls up Andy and starts talking incredible smack to C Rice and with the uttering of the words “Thousand Dollar a Night Hooker” it was on. Cancel my Tuesday plans for the next 2 months for they belong to The Real Housewives of Miami.

     Connie made me a mix today and I’m almost afraid to open it. She said “it’s only fair and there is no reason that I can’t give you new music too. You should keep track of what the rest of the world is listening to sometimes.”

     I hate it when anyone but me is right. I suppose I could break away from my nonstop Melanie Pain/Best Coast/Dethklok playlist for a few minutes.

     Anyway, here is Connie’s mix for moi.

Grenade / Bruno Mars

Hold It Against Me / Britney Spears

Single Ladies / Beyonce

Blow / Ke$ha

Only Girl (In The World) / Rihanna

I Gotta Feeling / The Black Eyed Peas

Hot N Cold / Katy Perry

Your Love Is My Drug / Ke$ha

Teenage Dream / Katy Perry

The Only Exception / Paramore

Right Round / Flo Rida

Lady Antebellum / Need You Now

Time After Time / Cindy Lauper

All I Want For Christmas Is You / Mariah Carey

     Overall I think she did a good job mixing things that I could possibly like with things that she knows will make me puke. At least I don’t have to pretend I don’t like Ke$ha and Katy Perry around her anymore. Lady Antebellum is by far the worst piece of crap I have ever heard in my life and Paramore bores the crap out of me, however. Overall, considering the source, I give Connie a B+ for the effort. She offered to send the same mix to Vanessa who promptly said “You couldn’t pay me.”

     Now Connie thinks Vanessa hates her guts and she’s a little bit right so all I can say is “Vanessa is just a very complicated girl.” I really need more than just 2 friends. Anyone?

and the Blackheart goes to...

Sunday, February 27^th 2011

     I am weak, so I will watch the Oscars. Here are my picks, followed by my personal choices.

Best Picture: Even if it wasn’t even great by Cohen Bros standards, True Grit was the only one of the 10 nominees that I actually enjoyed all the way through. And the Blackheart goes to: Let Me In. Duh, it was the awesomest movie of the year.

Best Actor: Colin Firth. He’s just owed. And the Blackheart goes to: Danny Trejo in Machete. The transformation was transcendent. (That’s not the see-through one, right?)

Best Supporting Actor: John Hawkes. He made a person named “Teardrop” a bad-ass, he deserves an award. And the Blackheart goes to: Stephen Merchant in the Tooth Fairy. He made me believe.

Best Actress: Jennifer Lawrence. She had to like, kill squirrels and freeze her ass off, and I really believed she was inbred. And the Blackheart goes to: Chloe Moretz for Let Me In. She’s the best actress on earth.

Best Supporting Actress: Hailee Steinfeld acted circles around everyone in True Grit. And the Blackheart goes to: Chloe Moretz in Kick Ass, see above.

     And this is the point where I realize that I don’t really want to finish this list. So, yay, they’re all winners.

     Connie is coming over at 6 for snacks and red carpet, and Vanessa will be here at 8. I won’t tell you what I had to promise to get her here.

I have had the time of my life and i never felt like this before yes i swear it is so true and i owe it all to you

Sunday, February 13^th 2011

     Suck it Boredom!!! I got so much great crap at Target. I picked up a Belle play set, a Rapunzel doll, some ugly socks, a rubber chicken and my mom got me a cardigan. This reminds me, I owe you guys a hell of a lot of pictures of all the new toys I’ve gotten recently. Just wait until you see the volcano.

     My dad slept in the car while we shopped. Don’t worry, we left the window open a crack.

     Toys made my day great, but The Box made my day special. (That’s right, I used capitalization to make a boring word seem mysterious… or…)

     After our early dinner of asparagus with roasted chicken and roasted pepper I got immediately blah. I asked my mom if she needed help with anything and she said “Just with your father.” I then went to ask my dad if he needed help with anything and he said “I’ve been cleaning the basement out for the last few months, feel free to dive right in.” I put on my Power Flannel and said “On it, Boss.”

     The basement was dark and scary until I found the light switch, then it just looked like a dump. It was a collection of boxes, laundry bags and toys I don’t remember. Actually, aside from it being a load of crap, it really wasn’t that bad. I can see why my dad isn’t in a rush and how my mom is just being a pain in the ass. (Oh God, they are so gonna get divorced.)

     I was ready to turn around and head back up when something caught my eye. On top of a humongous microwave that was on top of a rusted freezer was a box that was labeled simply, “The Cool Stuff.” I’m a curious sorta gal so I picked it up (the most exercise I’ve gotten in weeks) and brought it into the living room. I asked “Okay, what’s the cool stuff?” My parents gave each other a dirty look and my mom said “That was supposed to go to the Salvation Army about 8 years ago” and went into the kitchen. My dad shrugged and said “I have no idea what’s in that box sweetie, if it’s cash or gold let me know.”

     I got it into my room and ripped open the top and was pleasantly surprised. The box was filled with about 40 old school ridiculous VHS tapes! I’m so happy I didn’t throw out my VCR last time I cleaned my room.

     Okay, I know this is kind of lame, but you have to understand. I need to kill time DESPERATELY. (someone told me that they hate when people capitalize for emphasis so ha!) Judge me if you want, but I am now the proud owner of Solarbabies, Batteries Not Included, Back to School, Police Academy 4-6 and a bazillion others!

     Oh geez the Grammy’s are still on. Thank God I have (going to now reach into the box and pull out a movie at random…) Robocop to keep me company!

Duck Umbrella Rules

Wednesday, February 2^nd 2011

     Today I overslept for the first time ever in my life pretty much and was late for school. It was creepy because my mom instantly asked me if I was on drugs. I told her, “No Mom, I’m not on drugs, I just overslept. Why don’t you go get me some coffee so I can get this day going?” She gave me a dirty look and said “This isn’t over” evil villain style but she did make me coffee. Wuss.

     I’d rather my mom think I was tweeking meth all night than know the truth. I tried going to bed and it just wasn’t working, so somehow I spent an hour researching and pricing beekeeper outfits and related gear.

     Beekeeping is so much cooler than you think. You get to wear a beekeeper suit first off. Also, honey. Lots of honey. It’s a sweetener…

     Emails!

     Actually before emails, I have to announce the contest winner! Cindy F did in fact prove she was more bored than I was. “Penelope, I’m more bored than you. I spent my day watching Abba videos on Youtube, taking screen shots and then putting in captions commenting on their clothes. After that I watched Teen Wolf.”

     To be honest, I don’t actually think she was more bored than I was, but she WAS the only reply I got so WE HAVE A WINNER! Cindy, check yer email later.

     Now, Emails! AgentOrangutan@fakemail.com asks “Can you take Drake seriously knowing he used to be Jimmy on Degrassi?”

     I HATE Drake because his music blows. I HATED him before I even heard his music because he was Jimmy on Degrassi. Has a Degrassi character ever sucked as much as Jimmy did? He was in a freaking wheelchair after he got shot and I still wasn’t rooting for him.

     MargieSimon@fakemail.com wants to know, “Do you ever get your period? I’ve been following you for a few months and you’ve never mentioned it.”

     Oh Margie, of course I do, but this isn’t Health Class so I try not to discuss it. I also won’t be discussing nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach or diarrhea. (Why the hell did they make diarrhea so hard to spell? I always have to spell check it. Hmmm perhaps I am typing out diarrhea way too much.)

     I got a new umbrella today. It is the best umbrella on the face of the earth.